


Come Back To Me

by Semi_problematic



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Character Death Fix, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Survivor Guilt, The Kissing Bridge (IT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 05:24:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20961185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: “Did you sleep with a producer?”Richie made a face, his nose wrinkling. “What? No!”“Then how the hell did you become famous off of those jokes?” Eddie said. “You’re funny but those bits aren’t.”Richie smiled. It was small and he was grateful that if Eddie caught it he didn’t say anything about it. The same warmth and fluttering inside him came back. It was now or never.“Anyway-”“I’m in love with you!” Richie shouted. His eyes went wide. That was a lot more aggressive than he planned. Years of memories filled his brain. Sharing the hammock, swimming, and sneaking into his room through the window. Holding hands beneath jackets at movies and hidden glances. Running from Bowers together and patching each other up.





	Come Back To Me

There was something about getting out of the water that changed everything. The world somehow shifted beneath them as they walked across the dirt, soaked from head to toe. Dried blood was still crusted onto their shirts no matter how many times they attempted to scrub it off. No one spoke as they made their way through the woods, Ben and Beverly holding hands and leading the way while Mike followed close behind. Bill was in the back, his hands tucked in his pockets. Richie and Eddie stood behind each other. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, in fact, it was the most relaxing thing they had experienced since they got back. The calm said much more than any words could. 

No screaming. No crying. No laughter. No bones breaking or feet slamming against the ground as they run. There were no taunting voices or horrid images. Wind blew around them and they shivered, searching for the sunlight above them. For an unknown reason the sun seemed brighter than ever before. Like the earth was a few miles closer to the sky because they finally beat the bad guy. The clouds were done, a dark filter over Derry removed. A weight was off of them, they could breathe easier. No scar on their hand and no disappearance of memories. For the first time in a very long time things seemed to be okay. More than okay. The town was safe and they were safe. Nothing loomed over them. 

The silence was in honor of something as well, not just because there was a lack of words. Of those lost. For the kids and the parents and Stan Uris, the bravest of all of them. Despite the world seeming okay, they all had lost him and this was the first time they could mourn it. Safety felt good, but the missing body beside them didn’t. None of them knew how to handle it. If they had a right to visit his grave or attend his funeral. Stan had forgotten them just like they all had, but the memories were back. Was Stan able to remember the good times too? The swimming and movies and laughter. Or was all he got the worst parts? He was a best friend. Someone they could always turn to. He was loving and supportive. But now the memories were all they had of Stanley, because Stan himself had become a memory. Unlike the last time, they didn’t plan on forgetting him. 

Stepping out of the forest felt like rebirth. Ben climbed over the bridge he fell from, moving weightlessly and Richie stopped to admire the only thing left that knew his secret. All of them planned to head back. To wash off and ditch the clothes before speeding out of town. To pack and say their goodbyes, because as alarming as it sounded, they had lives outside of this. These people were just the unlucky few that dug deeper. Leaving seemed wrong, though. So much was here. Stanley was still here. Their childhoods, their laughter and friendship. Leaving wouldn’t change that this town made them. Richie had a different plan, though, one that didn’t involve getting the hell out of dodge. One that Stan had told him to do twenty seven years before. Tell Eddie. 

“E-” Richie’s breath caught in his throat. All of them continued to walk. He didn't know it would be this hard. “Eddie!” He said it a little too loud. In a softer voice he continued, “Can… can you come here?” He called, slipping his hands into his pockets. Suddenly, he was aware of himself. Of the hidden thoughts and feelings. Of his too long legs and too wide shoulders. Of every inch of space he took up. Despite the world opening up around him he felt trapped. The weight lifted didn’t stop the feeling of the world crushing him if he so much as uttered the words. Telling the truth was harder than keeping any secret. 

Eddie twisted around, looking at Richie. “What?” He glanced at the others as they continued to walk. "We are heading back. Gotta get far away from here." He smiled at Richie and the world stopped. “Two days ago you were ready to get out of here. What changed?” 

"Yeah." Mike agreed. " We need to go. Fast. I’m looking up places to stay as soon as we get back. This place is a fucking prison.” 

“You could say that again.” Ben called. “I plan on staying far away from this place, even if it kills me.” 

How were they all so ready to leave? The only thing that felt like home was here. Richie could feel his chest tighten. He wanted Eddie to look at him forever. “I…” Richie closed his eyes and told himself to breathe. He owed Stan this much. To not hide. All of them almost died, Stan did die. He didn’t have a chance to waste any more time. “There is something you should see over here.” 

“What’s up?” Mike asked. 

Ben and Beverly were in their own world ahead, basking in the feeling of real love, true love, the right kind of love neither of them had gotten before. Bill had his head down, eyes trained on the street as he walked. He never thought he would be a part of a happy ending, but was the ending really that happy. Stan died. Georgie died. Hundreds of others died. Why did he get to live? Mike was thinking, his lips pursed. He wanted to travel, Richie knew that much. He wanted to see the things his family always talked about. New Orleans and the ocean and mountains that kissed the skies. 

“Nothing.” Eddie replied, walking back to Richie. “We will catch up with you guys. We on for breakfast tomorrow?” 

“Yeah!” Beverly’s smile was the widest it had been. “And we need to make sure to trade numbers, see each other every once in a while.”

“Of course!” Richie called. “I’m gonna make all of you sit through one of my shows!” 

“Will you have your own material?” Bill finally spoke. Speaking seemed easier for him now. LIke the thing blocking his words from coming out was gone. “Or will we have to sit through a set of corny jokes?” 

“I make no promises.” Richie raised his hands up as though he was surrendering. “All I can say is that there will be a show.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Maybe I could go back down there and drown myself. Make sure I never have to witness that fake material again.” 

Richie ignored Eddie, shifting his body right in front of the carving. Richie hated it, the fact that he remembered it perfectly. How the weight wasn’t suffocating him when he finished. The only things that knew were Stan and the bridge. He wasn’t going to let this secret die with him. Richie hated how his cheeks warmed up at the idea of kissing a boy, of kissing Eddie. 

“What did you wanna show me?” Eddie asked. “You carve Richie and Mrs. K into the bridge thirty years ago and wanna rub it in my face-”

“No-” Richie whispered. The world had just fallen apart around him. The house crumbled and sank beneath his feet. Telling Eddie was scarier than anything inside that house. His chest was tight and his heart raced. Talking had never been something he was good at. 

“You should really look into getting better jokes.” Eddie went on. “Have your little ghost writer shut all these mom jokes down-” 

“Eds-” 

“There is no way your demographic isn’t old dudes who live in their mom's basement and thirteen year old boys. It is the only statistic that makes sense-” Eddie explained, shaking his head. 

“That isn’t-”Richie sighed. “That isn’t what this is about.” 

“They weren’t funny then and they aren’t funny now!” Eddie continued. “I don’t get it. It isn’t a joke, just a statement-” Eddie looked up at him. “Did you sleep with a producer?” 

Richie made a face, his nose wrinkling. “What? No!” 

“Then how the hell did you become famous off of those jokes?” Eddie said. “You’re funny but those bits aren’t.” 

Richie smiled. It was small and he was grateful that if Eddie caught it he didn’t say anything about it. The same warmth and fluttering inside him came back. It was now or never. 

“Anyway-” 

“I’m in love with you!” Richie shouted. His eyes went wide. That was a lot more aggressive than he planned. Years of memories filled his brain. Sharing the hammock, swimming, and sneaking into his room through the window. Holding hands beneath jackets at movies and hidden glances. Running from Bowers together and patching each other up. 

Eddie stared at him, his lips pressed together and his eyes wide. He fell silent for the first time in a while. “What?” 

Memories continued to speed through his mind, colorful images filling his brain. Richie could hardly think as the feelings from each memory washed over him. The warmth. The safety. The love. “I-I-I have been in love with you since I was like, I don’t know, ten, and it didn’t go away and then we left and then I saw you and I just-” Richie took a deep breath and pressed his hands to his chest. “I felt this, it, I felt all of it coming back and hitting me. And it felt like home and I can’t walk away without saying it-”

“Rich-” Eddie spoke softly. 

“I can’t waste anymore time. I know you are married and you don’t feel it but I fucking do, I have felt this shit for so long and I couldn’t let you leave.” Richie sighed, running his hands through his hair and pulling at it. “I don’t want you to leave. For years I’ve felt this fucking hole and when I’m with you I don’t feel it and I just, I’m not letting me forget you sgsin because I’m not supposed to.” Richie moved away from the bridge, the carving faded but still visible. “I can’t keep pretending this isn’t there. It isn’t some crush. I can see myself, I can see us being something.” 

Eddie crouched down, running his fingers across the carving, tracing each letter. 

“And the clown!” Richie shouted. “That fucking clown kept reminding me. My secret. How I couldn’t look at boys or else they would no. It wasn’t right that he knew but you didn’t.” Richie adjusted his glasses, studying the way Eddie’s hands moved gently against the old wood. “I just… I need it to stop being a secret. It’s been fucking thirty years.” 

Eddie traced each letter again, smiling to himself. The wood was worn out and chipping away, and there was a one hundred percent chance of getting a splinter but he couldn’t pull himself away from it. These letters lasted longer than their memories. Longer than the fight and the thirty years apart. Through rain and snow and death and hate. 

“Man, I have wanted this for so long and the feeling of needing something but not knowing what killed me. Back then I wasn’t even allowed to want it. But now… now it is different. I can want it and not be as afraid. Sure, there are risks, you would know that more than anything with your job, but I can actually kiss a boy now!” 

Eddie looked up at him. His fingers rubbed against the wood carving once more. 

“Say something!” Richie all but shouted. He took a deep breath then softly said, “Say something because I… I need you to say something and I can’t stop, I-” 

Eddie stood up and kissed him. Gripping his damp shirt and pulling him closer, like he couldn’t get him as close as he needed. Richie stood still, only moving when Eddie pressed him against the bridge. For mere moments they weren’t afraid. Adrain, the boy who mirrored Eddie in every way was out of his mind. The hate and the fear was gone. Richie slowly reacted, his eyes fluttering closed and tilting his head down. His hands rested on his waist, his fingers hardly touching him. 

His senses were on fire. Richie never knew he would get this. To touch Eddie, to taste him and feel him. The scene had played out in his head, but it never included this. The real warmth of Eddie. The way he combed his fingers through Richie’s hair and gently touched at his chest. The way Eddie pushed up on his toes to get closer. Richie never knew he would get Eddie. 

Eddie was the first to pull away. Richie’s eyes were closed, his cheeks flushed pink. His lips were wet and red. They stayed closed until Eddie spoke. 

”First time I’ve ever rendered you speechless.” Eddie teased, one hand trailing up his arm. “I haven’t done that since… college.” 

"What?" Richie asked, breathlessly. 

"Kissed a boy." Eddie said. He spoke like boys weren't killed for looking at other boys. Like it wasn't sinful and dirty to touch one. Richie wondered if he felt the weight too. The crippling fear. "I did it a lot. It was just some secret. And I didn't like being a secret. So, I decided I wouldn't be." 

Richie wanted to tell him that Eddie would never be his secret. 

"So, now I'm married. And successful. And alive." Eddie looked Richie up and down. "But college was fun." His cheeks were pink.

Richie’s heart was leaping. Confusion, jealousy, and lust filled his body. Richie opened his eyes, ducking his head down in order to hide the noticeable blush on his cheeks. “C-college?” He stuttered out, looking up at Eddie. He was hooked on this. The idea of boys getting to do only what Richie dreamed about.

“Yeah.” Eddie said it like boys weren’t killed for kissing other boys. Like there wasn't a man murdered days before. Like the weight of his "yes" didn't rest upon bodies and bodies of dead boys. “But then life caught up with me and reality hit. It was the 90’s, Rich.” Eddie leaned against the bridge. “Gay guys could only do so much. There was no marriage and it was risky.” He shrugged. “So… I met Myra and went the safe route…” 

“Bet you didn’t think it would catch up with you.” Making conversation after the world turned upside down was hard. Richie wished he could mutter some joke about his marriage being unsafe because his wife could crush him, but all he could do was think about it. Eddie with boys. Kissing and touching. Eddie accepting himself before retreating back into himself and settling with the safe option. “This was risky. And you still came.” Richie didn’t know what he was arguing against. “Guess your job wasn’t as helpful as you thought.” 

Eddie shrugged again, looking out over the bridge. “Some risks are worth taking.” He glanced at Richie. “You took a risk carving…” He glanced at the letters. “You took a risk pursuing comedy, even if it's hit or miss, with god awful jokes.” He turned and looked at Richie. Eddie cracked a smile. One Richie wanted to kiss. “My job isn’t choosing not to take risks, man. It’s about if the risk is worth it or not.” 

Richie swallowed, looking at his feet. Eddie was inches from him. He wanted to kiss him. And kiss him. And kiss him. “D-”

“I think we should start heading back.” Eddie nudged him. “They’re gonna think we got killed or something.” 

Richie wanted to tell him to stay. To grab his wrist and pull him back. To taste him again. “I’m gonna stay back-” 

“Rich-” 

“I…” Richie dug his knife out, flicking it open. “I got some unfinished business.” He wanted to scream. Eddie was being too casual. The kiss didn’t answer anything, instead it just made Richie need it more. Whatever “it” was. 

“Make sure you don’t cut your hand off.” Eddie smiled, backing away. 

“Well,” Richie got down on one knee. Eddie looked beautiful. “I’ll always have you to patch me up.” 

Eddie scoffed, turning his back to Richie. He began to walk. 

“Come on, Dr. K,” Richie started, “you know that I’m your favorite patient.” 

Eddie stopped, his shoulders shaking. He was laughing. “Come back to the hotel in one piece, Rich.” 

Before Richie got the nerve to speak again, Eddie was gone. He settled back on his heel and started to carve out the letters. He wished Stan was here. Stan always helped him with feelings and the implications of them. Richie didn’t know what to do. The first boy he ever loved kissed him and all he did was ask stupid questions. That time could have been spent telling Eddie everything he needed to. Or kissing him so he could remember the ways his lips felt. 

Richie chewed on his lip, carving out the plus sign between the two letters. He remembered the times they walked past the carving. Under the hot July sun after swimming. Biking across the bridge to get to the movie theater on time, crunching leaves beneath the tires. Wiping the snow off of it as he ran to a snowball fight or to ice skate. Richie remembered knowing that no one else knew, only Stan and the bridge, about his secret. Now Eddie knew, and he didn't get the answers he wanted. 

Walking back into town alone felt the same as it did when he was a child. The fear of people watching him, knowing his secret, made him feel uneasy. Boys showed him how they felt about boys like him. Richie was still a faggot to them. And Richie couldn't even admit what he was to himself. 

Sure, Richie knew he liked boys. He had a crush on one at age ten and dreamed of kissing one at twelve. He cuddled with one at thirteen and kissed one beneath the trees at sixteen. He had been beaten and spat on for it. Richie had been taught at a young age what boys like him got treated like. It was no secret he was like them. He felt it. The want. The sickness that came from wanting something that made him a freak. Yes, Richie knew he liked boys, he had for thirty years. Richie just couldn't say it out loud. 

Kissing Eddie was still the best thing he had felt. And not once did he ever regret loving Eddie. Eddie was the only good that came out of this mess. The mess of homophobia and hatred and feeling alone and disgusting. If Richie had to love boys, he was glad that it was Eddie. Even if sometimes it broke his heart and made him cry. Even if sometimes he wished he were dead than want something he couldn't have. Because Eddie was always there. 

The streets were empty, papers blowing like it was a ghost town. The papers weren't blank. Each one had a different face of a kid plastered across it in dark ink with the word "missing" in big bold letters above it and below it a description. The kids weren't found, but they were saved. No kids would be hurt, not by It. The safety felt good, the silence calming. No one was crying or running or killing or hurting. Children were home and safe. No more pain would go overlooked. 

Pain. Something so prominent yet so easy to forget. That was how they all survived. Beverly ignored the pain, allowed it to continue because she believed that was love. Ben ran from the pain, shed his skin and proved them wrong, only to still feel the fears the pain left behind. Mike forced the pain onto himself until it was second nature. Bill got out his pain by making sure no one else got a happy ending. Making others suffer became second nature. Eddie pretended his pain was consideration. That the suffocating thing he labeled love was real and caring and true. 

Richie hid his with jokes. Not authentic but still funny. He could pretend he had girlfriends and bask in the laughter of the crowd. Richie could hide his anxiety with jokes. He spent his entire life overcompensating with them. He joked that he was sexy, that girls wanted him and he wanted them back, and that he was as straight as they come. The ugly truth of the matter, the dirty little secret, was that Richie Tozier didn't want girls, and he felt ugly each time he looked in the mirror, and that he wanted boys so much that he couldn't hide it. His pain was hidden deep beneath jokes and hidden touches. 

Richie was tired of being in pain. 

The Derry Townhouse stood tall with only a few parks cars around it. Richie found himself hunching down in a desperate attempt to be small and hide. For someone who loved the attention Richie hated when all eyes were on him. He walked inside, making sure to walk quickly past the worker. The others had found safety in their rooms for the night. Richie climbed the stairs and eyed the paintings. The color seemed brighter than before. 

As Richie rounded the corner he found himself stopped outside of Eddie's door. Drops of blood from when he was stabbed stained the carpet in front of the door. He raised his eyes from the floor to the wooden wall between him and everything he had ever wanted. Richie sucked in a breath. He wasn't going to let this end. Not yet. Not after a kiss and finding out Eddie liked boys. Not after finally letting his secret out and for nothing to come of it. He didn't know what he expected but the reaction he got wasn't sitting right. There was more to the story. 

He raised his hand, called in a fist. 

Then he lowered it. 

Raised it once more. 

And lowered it again. 

Three inches of thick door separated him from his world. From the memories and the taste of finally having what he craved. Three inches of thick door stopped him from finally moving on. 

Richie knocked. 

The door opened slowly, revealing Eddie in a new change of clothes. His hair was wet, but not from the water they swam in. His legs were covered by light grey sweatpants that were inches too long. He had a black shirt and a white jacket on. The bandage on the side of his face was new and pressed over the wound perfectly. 

No one told Richie it would be this hard. 

“I’m back.” Richie said. “But now that I say it out loud it’s pointless because I’m obviously here.” 

“I’m glad you didn’t get lost.” A small smile played on his lips. Richie wanted to kiss it. “We want to meet for breakfast at nine tomorrow. I think everyone is taking time to process right now. God knows we need it.” Eddie pressed against the doorframe. “I’ll see you at nine then, yeah?” 

Richie nodded, looking down at their feet. “Yeah. And I can drive home with you if you want-” 

“You drove your own car here.” 

‘Wha-Right. Yeah. I did do that.” Richie rubbed the back of his neck and looked down. 

Eddie nodded. “Are you okay, Rich? I know a lot has happened-” 

“Was the risk worth it?” Richie blurted out. His eyes were wide. 

“Coming back here?” Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know. It was the best for the town. And we needed to kill It for Georgie and Stan-” 

“Kissing me.” Richie said, slowly, thinking it through as though it hadn’t happened. “Was taking the risk and kissing me at the bridge worth it?” 

Eddie opened his mouth to reply, but Richie cut him off. 

“I… I wanted to take the risk for a long time. But I didn’t know if it would be worth it. I didn’t want to lose you and I just…” 

“You wouldn’t have.” Eddie whispered. “I don’t care that-” 

‘Don’t say it.” Richie begged. “Don’t say it.” 

“Gay?” Eddie asked. “Richie, it’s not a bad thing. There are so many things you could be that are much worse. A serial murderer. A stalker-” 

“I just... “ Richie sucked in a breath. He held it. The tightness in his chest only got tighter. “I… just need to know.”

“It was worth it.” 

Richie didn’t know what he was expecting. “What?” 

“It was worth it.” Eddie repeated. “I would kiss you again, Richie-” 

“But I’m in love with you, I have been-” Richie ran his fingers through his hair, chewing on his lip. “It’s creepy, I mean, you aren’t-” 

“I am-” Eddie cut him off. “I am, too. I want it, too.” 

“You’re gay?”

Eddie laughed softly. “God, you are oblivious. I kissed boys in college-” 

“Because you were going through a phase. That happens.” Just not to Richie. 

“I never had a girlfriend-” 

“Picky.” 

“And I settled on marrying a woman because it was safer.” Eddie reached out and touched Richie’s arm. “I’m gay, Rich.” 

“And I…” Richie closed his eyes. He wanted to say it. But he wasn’t gay. He was dirty. A faggot. 

“Look at me.” Eddie cupped his cheek. “You don’t have to say it. I know, okay?” 

Richie swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.” He adjusted his glasses. He wanted to cry. The boy he loved loved him back and he couldn’t even say he was gay. 

“You’re you.” Eddie said, pulling Richie closer to him. “And that’s all that matters. You don’t have to say it. I know well enough.” 

Richie smiled, nodding. “Love you.” He whispered, turning his face and kissing Eddie’s palm. 

“And I love you.” Eddie rubbed his thumb against Richie’s cheek. “Let yourself have this.” 

“I-” Richie kissed his wrist. “I don’t know…” He wanted it so bad. Without Eddie there was a hole in him. Every night he would search for someone he never found because he knew they would be there. “I don’t know how-” 

“You can relax now, Rich.” Eddie leaned up, his toes digging into the floor. “You’re safe, we’re safe now.” 

Slowly, Richie nodded and raised his eyes to meet Eddie’s. “Never thought that this would happen.” He kissed his arm. “I got real lucky, didn’t I?” 

“Maybe…” Eddie closed the gap between them, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. His sock clad feet stood atop Richie’s soaked shoes. Richie’s clothes were still damp, but Eddie didn’t seem to care as they pressed their bodies together. “I think I’m the lucky one.” 

Richie’s cheeks turned pink. “Really?” 

“Oh, yeah.” Eddie smiled wide. “I mean, THE Richie Tozier is into me-” 

“Christ-” 

“A celebrity wants me!” Eddie continued, hooking an arm around Richie’s neck and pulling him down. “What did I do to deserve it?” 

“Haha, very funny.” Richie rolled his eyes. “Fuck you.” 

“Fuck-” Eddie closed his eyes and kissed him softly. “You.” 

Richie leaned into it, placing his hands on Eddie’s hips. “Can’t believe this is happening…” 

“You should.” Eddie whispered, stepping off of his feet. He gently took Richie’s hand in his own and pulled him into his room, closing the door behind them and locking it. “Because this is real.” 

"Thank god…" Richie's pinky slipped beneath his coat then his shirt, closing his eyes as he felt Eddie's warm skin. "I hope you know thirteen year old me is shitting himself right now." 

Eddie laughed softly, nodding. "I had a hunch." He sat down on the edge of the bed. "You should take a shower. You're really dirty." 

"You have such a way with words." Richie chuckled, shrugging his jacket off and laying it across the foot of the bed. "I'll shower. But you'll have to go get me my clothes-" 

"Okay-"

"Unless you don't want me staying here. Then I'll go shower in my room and stay there." Richie babbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I am really bad at this. It's not even funny." 

"You're staying the night. I'll get your stuff. Knowing you you only packed like two shirts and two pairs of pants." 

"The less I pack the more reason to leave early. It's reverse psychology-"

"I don't think that's correct." Eddie stood up and slipped his hand into Richie's pocket, digging out his room key. 

Richie stared down at Eddie, his cheeks flushing. He was close. And touching him. "Um-"

"I'll be back. Clean yourself up." He kissed his cheek then walked towards the door. Eddie was out of the room in seconds and Richie could finally breathe. 

Richie walked into the small bathroom, his stomach tightening when he spotted the blood stains all over the room. Blood on the mirror. Blood on the floor and the curtain. The curtain balled up in a corner on the floor. He took a deep breath and shut himself in the room, eyeing the broken window. He was safe. It was dead. Richie turned his back to the mirror and stripped off his clothes, making sure to avoid any glimpse he could catch of himself. The pipes beneath the floor shook as he twisted the knob and water poured from the spout. He stepped in, his body freezing. 

This was the last thing he felt, Stanley. The water rushing around him and the crushing anxiety of it beginning again. It. Richie pressed himself against the wall, rubbing his eyes viciously. The water engulfing him. The cool tub against the warm water. Richie shook his head. The blade against his skin. The warm blood dripping down his wrists. The life leaving his body. Leaving everything. 

Richie collapsed into the water, waves of it splashing against him and rocking him side to side. He tangled his hands in his hair and sunk deeper into the water, shaking his head. His fingers tangled in his hair and he yanked it. Richie pulled and pulled at it, shaking his head so fast his head ached. His body curled up against itself, his face finding safety pressed against his knees. 

Stan died but the rest of them lived. Stan died because he was afraid and he died alone and afraid and empty. Stan had a life before this. Stan had a family and a stupid vacation to take while he was on a summer break from work. Stan had a wife and a house and a life and now it was gone and he was dead, dead, dead-

Hands gripped Richie and slid up and down his arms. A voice shouted at him. 

“Richie-” It was Ben. “Richie, it’s okay.” 

Richie raised his head. The water and overflowed and soaked the floor. The door was broken off of one of the hinges. He didn’t remember locking the door. But he didn’t remember not shutting the water off either. “I-”

“You were screaming.” Beverly whispered, crouching down and taking his hands. “Eddie couldn’t get the door open and all of us could hear it. Ben had to kick it in.”

“I’m sorry…” His mouth was dry and his throat was sore. “I didn’t even notice-” 

“Don’t be sorry.” Bill smiled down at him. “We just wanted to make sure you were okay. After…” 

“Stan.” Richie said. “I was thinking about him. How this… this ruined him. He had plans. You heard his wife talk about it.” He sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry that I did this…” He hated the attention he was getting. All eyes on him, not just any eyes, fearful eyes. “I’m…” He needed to make a joke. Change the mood. “Even more sorry that you had to see me naked.” Suddenly, he was painfully aware of his body. Burning water touching pink skin. The way his stomach pushed out just around his waist and his thighs were big. “You guys can go. I’m okay… I promise.” He wished to sink beneath the water andhide. 

“Okay…” Ben said softly, looking down at him. “If you need anything, just tell me. Bev and I are right next door.” 

“Yeah…” Richie nodded. “I will.” 

Bill reached down and patted his back. “I get it…” He didn’t look at Richie. “I’ve stuck to showers…” 

Richie looked down sadly and waited for the room to empty. Each of them filed out of the room until Eddie was the only one standing back against the wall. He looked down at his feet, rubbing the toe of his shoe in the puddle of water before him. 

“Scared the shit out of me...” Eddie whispered. “Thought you were… I don’t know.” 

“I’m sorry…” Hurting Eddie made his heart drop. “I’m okay. You’re gonna be stuck with me for another twenty years at least.” He reached out. “Come here.” 

Eddie slowly stepped towards him, dragging his feet. He reached a hand out and took Richie’s. He smiled. Small and gentle and oh so Eddie Kaspbrak. “Don’t do it again.” 

“I won’t.” Richie replied. He intertwined their fingers and raised his hand. Richie placed a kiss on each of his knuckles. “Gotta stick around to piss you off.” 

“Mhm…” Eddie looked down at the puddles. “I should clean this up.” 

“Maybe it will wash away all the blood. Looks like your moms vagina in here-” 

“She is dead, dude, respect her.” Eddie fought against a laugh bubbling in his chest. “Can’t take you anywhere.” 

“I can clean it up.” Richie sat up some. “I’ll do it when I’m done showering.” 

“I can do it. It’ll soak into the floor and I will be stuck with the bills.” Eddie walked to the cabinet, opening it up and pulling out a few fluffy cream towels. He placed them on the floor, spreading them out over each puddle that had yet to begin to dry. 

In a small voice that hardly sounded like Richie he spoke, "I really am sorry. I don't know what happened-"

"Really, it's fine. I just don't want the floor to stay soaked. You could slip-" 

Richie smiled some. "You could always join me." 

Eddie's cheeks turned a dark pink shade. He pressed the towels into the floor. "Um… I don't… I dont know. I… you should shower. I just showered my skin will dry out. Showering multiple times a day isn't good for your skin-"

"Relax, dude." Richie chuckled. "I was only half serious." 

Eddie stood up. "Take your shower. I'll be out there." He walked towards the door, inspecting it. The door hung sideways off of the still attached to one of its hinges. "I'll try to close it…" He walked out and slowly pulled the door closed, muttering about how he has another bill to pay that could lead into a liability if the townhouse wanted more money and wanted to sue.

Richie unplugged the bath and allowed it to empty before turning it on once more. Only cold water shot out of the spout, but most of the crime was off of Richie already. He washed his hair with small hotel shampoo and conditioner before lathering himself in two layers of soap that he had to squeeze from the bottle. The cool water washed over him and the harsh water pressure caused the drops to slap against his irritated and red skin. 

Richie stepped out of the bathtub and onto the soaked towels, making a face as the water from the towels pressed against his feet. He smiled when he saw Eddie had brought in clothes for him. A pair of sweatpants and a pair of boxers along with one of his many graphic t-shirts. 

He dried off with one of the only towels left before dropping it onto the other towels covering the ground. Blood that littered the floor was now an orange, rust looking color on the tile. Richie put his glasses on and pushed them up the bridge of his nose. He got dressed, making sure every part of him that he wanted covered was. Richie hoped Eddie hadn't seen him naked while he showered. He wanted to be in control of that. When he was in the bath he could hide most of his body in the distorting waves. Showers were different. 

Carefully, Richie pulled the door open, jumping when it tilted to the side and nearly hit him. “Sorry…” He muttered, walking past the door and into the room. “I finished showering… I can help cover some of the bills, I mean… we got the door and the floor and if I get lucky we’ll have to replace a bed, too.” Jokes were easier than admitting he broke down. Jokes were easier than admitting he wanted something he never believed he would get. 

“Shut up, dude.” Eddie muttered. “We both know you aren’t strong enough to break a bed.” 

Richie chuckled softly, raising his hands. “Got me there. I’ve never been one for working out. I should ask Ben for some tips.” 

“We can’t keep pretending that nothing happened.” Eddie said. “You love me. I love you. We’ve kissed. No one knows you’re gay, you don’t even like saying it. Where do we stand?” He looked up at Richie. “Are we going to go home and pretend it didn’t happen? Am I going to become some joke on your new tour? Are we going to try and make it work?” 

“You think too much-” 

“Because this is real life, Richie. We need to know if we want to keep this going or if we are going to leave it all behind or if we are going to pretend it never happened and you’re going to drag your one pathetic bag back to your room and sleep alone when I am right here!” Eddie’s chest was heaving. “I am right here,” He breathed. “Let yourself have this even if it’s just for tonight.” 

Richie sat down on the bed beside him. “I never thought that this would happen.” He mumbled, pulling his glasses off. “I always thought that we would be just friends and I was okay with that. I mean, it sucked, because I loved you, but I wanted you regardless. Even if you thought my jokes were shitty and I shouldn’t have gotten my license because I can’t drive.” 

“Where do you want to go from here?” Eddie put his hand on Richie’s knee. “Wanna make sixteen year old Richie’s dreams come true?” 

“I’m already famous.” 

“I meant makeout, dumbass.” Eddie grinned, turning Richie’s head. “Do you wanna do that?” 

Richie swallowed, nodding. “Yeah…” His face heated up. 

Eddie leaned in, brushing his lips across Richie's. "You aren't even that famous so I don't know why you said that." 

Richie laughed against his lips. "Jerk." He pulled Eddie into another kiss. "At least I don't do all that risk shit-"

"I am a risk analyst, asshole." 

"Sorry, I fell asleep during that. What did you say?" 

Eddie slapped his chest. "It isn't boring." 

"Mhm." 

"Do you want to kiss or not?" 

"C'mon…" He pulled Eddie into another kiss. "You know I do." He turned his body so he was facing Eddie, pulling him closer by his hips. "Gimme another kiss…" He pressed a kiss to his jaw. "C'mon." 

Eddie ran his hand through his hair, pulling him into a kiss. He kissed him softly, pressing his body to Richie's. He pushed Richie back against the bed, tangling their legs together. Richie grabbed his wrist and started kissing his hand, frowning when his lips ghosted over his ring. He looked up at Eddie who reached down and pulled the ring off, setting it on the counter. 

"M yours tonight, okay?" 

Richie swallowed. This wasn't happening. "Okay." He said in a small voice. 

Eddie cut him off before he could say any more, pressing his lips to Richie's cherry red ones. He kissed him harder this time, nipping at his lower lip. Richie's hands fell to his hips, his thumbs slipping beneath his shirt and rubbing along his skin. 

"Let me take this off." Eddie sat up, unzipping his jacket and shrugging it off. He tossed his jacket to the side of the bed, leaning down to kiss Richie again. 

Richie's eyes were wide, his gaze scanning over Eddie's tan skin and… tattoos. He reached up, tracing one of the black patches of ink. "Thought you would be too pussy to get one." 

"College." Eddie whispered. "Got tons. Just wait until I take my shirt off-"

"You're going to take your shirt off?" 

"Yeah… unless you don't want me to." Eddie pulled away some, but Richie hooked two fingers into the collar of his shirt and guided him back down. 

"I do, just didn't think I would get that lucky." He pecked his lips. "How many?" 

"Mm." Eddie hummed. "Eight, I think."

"Christ-" 

Eddie kissed him, straddling his hips. He took Richie's hands, pinning them above his head. Richie arched up against him, blushing when he rocked his hips against Eddie's. 

"Sorry-"

"Don't be." Eddie breathed out. "Felt nice. Didn't know you would be so easy." 

Richie sucked in a breath when Eddie pushed against him, grinding down. "I-uh… haven't… it's…" He closed his eyes, tossing his head back and pushing against Eddie's grip. "Been a really long time-" 

"Yeah?" Eddie raised an eyebrow, leaning down. "Thought you got guys all the time-"

"Not usually." Richie whispered, grinding in time with Eddie. "Kiss me again-"

Eddie complied, pressing their lips together as Richie's hips rocked steadily against him. Richie broke out of his grip, rolling them over. He kissed down Eddie's neck, slipping his hands beneath his shirt and pushing up. Eddie sat up and allowed Richie to tug off his shirt, throwing it away from them. 

"Shit-"

"Is it bad?" Eddie asked, sitting up on his elbows. 

"No… no…" His fingers ghosted down Eddie's torso. "It's great… I just…" He closed his eyes and swallowed. "Haven't been this far." 

"But you get guys-" Eddie gasped. "Are you-"

"Don't say it."

"You're a virgin!"

"It's really not that big of a deal-"

"You're a fucking virgin! I knew it!" Eddie laughed. "You were overcompensating the entire time!" 

"Ha ha, very funny. Richie Tozier is a virgin." Richie rolled his eyes. "What a great punchline."

"I'm not making fun of you." Eddie whispered, pressing their foreheads together. "It's just a little funny. You gotta admit, no one saw it coming." 

"Except Bev." Richie leaned up and brushed their lips together. "She always said I was too annoying to get laid." 

"I don't think that's true." Eddie whispered, slipping his hands beneath Richie's shirt. "You might be annoying but-" he looked at Richie. "You're gonna get laid."

"By who?" 

Eddie tossed his head back laughing. He shook his head. "Me, dude-"

"What?"

"What did you think this was leading to, Rich?"

"Wholesome cuddling before we part ways?" 

"This is exactly why you're a virgin." Eddie stated like it was a fact. 

"Sorry I don't think every kiss is going to lead to sex." Richie grumbled. "I thought you would have to plan out sex and have nine different condoms and a STD test handy before you actually did it." 

"Bite me!" Eddie slid his hands further up Richie's shirt, kissing him once more. "Stop talking. You're hotter that way-"

"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that." Richie mumbled against his lips. "But I know you secretly love when I talk." 

"Mhm." Eddie hummed, tugging at Richie's shirt. "Take this off-"

"Are you sure?" Richie whispered. "I know… I know I'm not like Ben-"

"I don't want Ben-" Kiss. "I want you." 

Richie swallowed, nodding. He sat up, pulling his shirt off, swearing when he knocked his glasses off in the motion. "Shit-"

"Here, I got them." Eddie grabbed his glasses and sat up, slipping Richie's glasses back onto the bridge of his nose. "There-"

Richie looked at Eddie's eyes, then his lips, then his eyes. "You really want this?" 

"Yeah." Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie's waist. "Really bad." 

Richie pushed him back onto the bed, sliding down until his knees hit the floor. "Okay…" His hands slid up Eddie's chest, mapping out his body. The way his smooth skin and the rise and fall of his chest felt beneath his shaking hands. "I've never-"

"Just go slowly." Eddie whispered. "I trust you." 

They moved together in slow, loving, needy movements. Richie made sure to kiss every inch of Eddie's body, whispers spilling from his lips as he admired the boy he had loved since he was old enough to know what love was. Eddie clung to Richie, breathing out his name on such a way that made his heart ache. They held hands, intertwined their fingers, and kissed moans from each other's mouth. The bed rocked, the frame creaking and tapping the wall with each movement. 

Eddie tangled his hand in Richie's hair, pulling him into another kiss as they moved together, bodies moving in a fitting time. As they neared the end, Eddie's moans louder and Richie's pants heavier, Richie scrambled to grab his glasses off of the nightstand and slip them back onto his face to look at Eddie. 

"Want to see you…" He breathed out, pressing closer to Eddie. "Wanna see you so bad-"

"Richie…" Eddie arched his back, pressing into Richie in every sense of the word. He pulled Richie closer, hands digging into his back. "God, Richie-"

"I know…." Richie took one of his hands, raising his hand to his mouth and kissing his knuckles. "Me too." 

Once they were done, Richie pulled away and covered his face. Eddie got up and got a warm rag, cleaning the bed and themselves up. As he set the rag down he noticed Richie's body shaking. He was crying. 

"Richie-"

"If you make fun of me I'll fucking hit you…" Richie said, hiccuping. "I didn't… I just…." He wiped his eyes, his glasses catching a few of his tears. "I never knew… that…" 

"Me too." Eddie whispered. "I get it." He he put one hand on Richie's, squeezing. "Richie Tozier crying after his first time would be pretty funny, though. Think about it. Your first original bit is about you being a virgin and crying after sex. That's comedy gold." 

Richie laughed softly, rolling his eyes. "You are such an asshole." 

Eddie leaned down and kissed him. "I love you." 

Richie took a few seconds to react. He still couldn't believe this was real. "I love you…" Eddie was already shifting away from him by the time he said it. Moonlight was the only light left in the room as they cleaned up. The townhouse was quiet, wind rustling leaves outside. Richie and Eddie retired to bed, slipping beneath the covers. Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie, pressing his face to his hair. They curled around each other, tangling their legs together in a desperate attempt to be close. By the time they were settled it was hard to tell where Richie ended and Eddie began. They were tucked into each other, gripping each other like something was going to rip them apart as they slept. 

Morning came quick, warm rays of sun shining down on the sheets. Richie and Eddie were still wrapped around each other, the rise and fall of their chests matching. Eddie's alarm went off, Richie groaning in reply. His watch let out a shrill beeping noise to signal that it was eight in the morning and they needed to be packed and ready for breakfast in an hour. 

"Get me up in a half an hour…" Richie breathed out, burying his face in the pillow beneath his head. His arm around Eddie curled tighter around his body. "Get us both up…" 

"I need to pack." Eddie replied, stretching his arm out to turn on the lamp beside the bed. 

Richie swung his arm down, taking Eddie's hand and pressing it into the mattress. "No. It's bright enough in here. You can stay a few more minutes-"

"Rich-"

"C'mon. It's warm. And nice-"

"I need to get dressed." 

Richie smirked. "You don't have to, though." 

"Perv."

"Just want to stay like this for a little bit longer." Richie kissed his shoulder. "You can get dressed in a half an hour." He kissed his arm. "Please."

Eddie rolled over so that he was facing Richie. "I'll be getting up at 8:30, not a minute later, so you better cherish this." 

"You know I will…" Richie blinked his eyes open, smiling. "You're beautiful." 

"Can you even see me?" Eddie asked. 

"No," Richie reached out and cupped his cheek. "But I know you are." 

Eddie reached across Richie and picked up his glasses. "You're so blind." 

"And you-" Richie slid on his glasses. "Are so beautiful." 

"Didn't know you were one to be sappy." Eddie whispered, pecking his lips. "I like it." 

"I like you." Richie kissed him. And he kissed him. And he kissed him again. "Last night was amazing…" He mumbled against Eddie's lips. "I would really like for it to happen again-"

"We don't have time, Rich." 

"Outside of Derry." Richie whispered. "Come to Chicago with me."

Eddie stared at Richie. Blank. "I have a job-"

"I'm sure you can assess risk somewhere that isn't New York." Richie took his hand, looking down at his ring finger. "Wanna keep this bare for a little while-"

"I can't. Logically-"

"Get out of your head." Richie whispered. "Do you want to come with me?"

"Rich-"

"Eddie." Richie said sternly. "Would you want to come with me?"

Eddie sucked in a breath. "I-"

"Stop thinking." 

He breathed out. "Yes." 

"That settles it. You're gonna come with me."

"How can you just decide things like that?" 

Richie pulled his glasses off and set them on the table. "It's a gift." 

"I'm married." 

"There's solutions." Richie replied, shrugging. "I mean, you're a gay man married to a woman, so even if I wasn't the side chick you would need to divorce her." Richie rolled over and faced Eddie once more. "And I'll be there every step of the way." 

"You're gonna have a lot of material for your next show." Eddie whispered, taking Richie's hand. He looked at his watch, chewing on his lip. "We got about fifteen minutes." 

Richie climbed on top of Eddie, kissing him. "Perfect-"

"Rich-"

"I'll be fast." Richie started to kiss down his body. "Promise." 


End file.
